The Nanny
by nedthejanitor
Summary: Yet another doggone ol' story where one of the YGO girls hooks up with Seto Kaiba by going through his brother first, as a nanny. Will wonders never cease?
1. This Chapter Contains Resumes

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, but by gum, I own the made-up spell card "Get Your Dongers," the effect of which is so disgusting it has me wanted in three states.**

"Welp," said Joey as he sat a ball of crumpled and overdue electric bill in the commode and flushed it, "that's the last of 'em."

Serenity Wheeler, the sister, would have protested her brother's reckless and somewhat childish behavior, but she was stuck to the bathroom wall with duct tape. "Mmph," she said tactfully, and Joey had to stop and think about that. How DID it come to this…?

()()()

THREE WEEKS EARLIER

"More bills?!" Joey shouted. He turned the TV off and began thinking about non-sister things around the house he could sell. "Jeez, I thought we were supposed to pay this stuff once a month, what's happening?!"

"We're supposed to," sighed Serenity from the kitchen. She was making grilled silverfish wrapped in dead autumn leaves. "That doesn't mean we do."

"Well, I mean, that settles it!" Joey said. "You gotta get a job, sis!"

"Me?!" Serenity said. "You don't have a job either!"

"I win Duel Monsters tournaments!"

"Win?"

"I place second in Duel Monsters tournaments!"

"You place third!"

"Okay, now you're just splittin' hairs, sis."

Serenity rolled her eyes. "As long as Yugi and Kaiba keep entering the same tournaments as you, the chances of you winning one of those silly things are- well, the same as us paying the water bill with a bronze medal and cash prize of ten dollars."

"And a super rare!"

"AND a super rare."

Joey shrugged. "Sis, I gotta lay some truth on ya. I've invested so much time toward being good at this card game, I have no other marketable skills. I only got my diploma because I beat the principal of my high school at Duel Monsters, and I wake up from almost-sleepless nights in sheer amazement that I got away with it."

"There are jobs that don't require you to be book-smart, bro…" Serenity said patiently. She'd had just about enough of Joey's overtures to his own stupidity. It was just sad, like a Simple Plan song.

"There's not being book-smart, and then there's forgetting what a book even is. One time, I went to class and when the teacher told me to read out of the textbook, I started reading my no. 2 pencil." Joey sighed to himself, feeling like he was recounting the story of how his dog died. "Then the teacher called ME a no. 2, and he didn't mean the pencil."

The forlorn younger sister shook her aching head as she plated dinner. "Could you promise me you'll try?"

"Of course I will." He didn't. "If you do." He still didn't.

"Fine. We'll both get work."

So the job search began in earnest. Serenity completed a resume, went to unemployment offices, read newspapers and online classifieds, and worked on getting over her shy disposition long enough to make it through a job interview. Meanwhile, Joey scratched his balls and lost a duel against Kaiba. He didn't even have the decency to do those separately.

"Good news, big bro!" Serenity squeaked happily to the couch, because that's where Joey is 90 percent of the time. She wasn't wrong. "I have an important interview tomorrow!"

"Ah, gee, sis, that's great!" Joey said. "We can get the water turned back on! I need a shower."

"You won't take one when we DO get the water on."

"Yes, but I'll feel like I had a choice in the matter. Who're ya interviewin' with, anyways?"

"Kai-" Serenity stopped the name dead in its tracks. The memories came flooding back all at once. Why, even two days ago, Joey had been bitching about losing a tournament because of none other than Seto Kaiba, the Duel Monsters second-place champion and CEO of KaibaCorp, where her interview was taking place. She sniffed the air a little. The smell of ball-sweat was on Joey's fingertips. That means he had recently dueled- and presumably lost- to Seto Kaiba. "Ummm… Naiba…Norp?"

"…NaibaNorp?" Joey repeated.

"Yes. That."

"…Never heard of 'em. Ah, well. Knock 'em dead, sis."

Serenity should not have been surprised that worked, but she was. Before either she or Joey had any chance to ruin what had apparently been the perfect ruse from the former, Serenity ran up to her room, thanking the Gods, whoever they may be, that they spent all their time playing poker instead of giving Joey Wheeler intelligence. 

"Alright, Roland," said Kaiba, "clear the field for the next duelists."

"With all due respect, Mr. Kaiba," replied trusty assistant Roland, "there are no duelists. You've been conducting interviews for the nanny position."

"They better be duelists," growled Kaiba. "I put that in the requirements for a reason. Everyone who's ever tried to kidnap Mokuba played Duel Monsters. If Mokuba's nanny doesn't know the game, I might as well hire a basset hound."

"…I'll send in the next duelists, Mr. Kaiba."

"Thank you, Mr. Not-Fired… for now."

Roland opened the door and motioned for the next candidate standing in the hallway. Not just any hallway, mind you- one of the many luxurious hallways in KaibaCorp. Serenity, with enough butterflies in her stomach and frogs in her throat to sustain most ecosystems, walked shakily into the room.

Right away, Kaiba was stuck by this particular prospective nanny's familiarity. "Sit down. I think I know you from somewhere."

Serenity did a very loud gulp. This was what she was afraid of. If Kaiba found out she was the sister of Joey Wheeler, there would be about as much chance of her being hired as a tree uprooting itself and fucking Vegeta and having a baby named "Ve-TREE-ta." "R-really? From where?"

"…School, I think." Serenity breathed a sigh of relief. The fact that Kaiba had yet to figure her out made her feel… well, serene, fittingly. "Yeah, I think you're right."

Kaiba was already bored of the small talk. He practically snatches Serenity's resume from her hands.

"So your name…" Kaiba's face froze. He looked comical, with his mouth locked open, but Serenity wasn't laughing. In the elation of having bested the young businessman, she'd forgotten that her full name- "Wheeler" and all- was right at the top of her resume!

 **TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. This Chapter Contains Angry Kaiba

**Disclaimer: I'm the kind of guy who watches a show years after it has finished making new episodes, then wants to talk about it well after the fact. For example, anyone else been watching Breaking Bad on Netflix? I approve.**

Kaiba and Serenity sat so long in silence, they had time to feel the air get thick with tension. Then Kaiba lifted Serenity's resume until it was right in her face. He pointed out her name in the top right corner of the page, and leered over it. "Read."

"I- uh-"

"The name on top of this resume, read it out loud for me. Right now."

Serenity knew there was only one way to resolve this situation. "It says 'Serenity Wheener.'"

Silence. Kaiba's face betrayed no emotion. He was completely still. So was Serenity, and when she recalled the interview with Kaiba later, she remembered this as the worst part. The not knowing.

Kaiba very slowly turned the paper toward his own face, craning his neck a little to read it. Truth be told, what this woman had just told him was such an outrageous lie, he almost thought it must be the truth. Why would anyone say something so stupid unless it were true? I mean, that was practically the whole campaign slogan of Donald Trump, and if there was anyone Kaiba could relate to, one needed look no further. But no; the name was "Wheeler."

"If I didn't think you were Joey Wheeler's sister before, I do now!" Kaiba stood up quickly, causing Serenity to flinch back. "How dare you come in here and try such a ridiculous lie on me?! I am amazed at how stupid you must think I am!"

"Wait!" Serenity cried out. "I am not lying to you!"

"Really?" Kaiba sighed. "Wheener? Like the Congressman?"

"The who? I don't follow."

"You wouldn't," scoffed Kaiba. "At any rate, get the hell out of my office. I have no more patience for this nonsense."

Serenity started to leave, tears rushing to her eyes, when who should have come bounding in but none other than Mokuba Kaiba himself!

"Seto, my DS is acting weird again! Could you fix it?"

"Mokuba," Kaiba sighed with exasperation, "I am in the middle of conducting several interviews right now. Can you wait until I'm done before I take a look at it?"

Mokuba, remembering the nanny situation, gave a small whine. "Aw, you're really going to hire one?! I'm too old for a stupid nanny!"

"First off, you need someone to help with all your homework. Roland can't help out, we tried that option already."

"I'm not so good with math, unfortunately," Roland added.

"Second of all," Kaiba went on, "I don't like the idea of my s- my, erm, little brother," Kaiba paused and coughed, "growing up around no one except a bunch of bodyguards and hired help."

"That wouldn't be a problem if you would make time for me!" Mokuba snapped.

Kaiba recoiled slightly, marveling at both the nerve and intelligence of the younger Kaiba brother. It was true that Seto Kaiba's schedule was divided into roughly four lop-sided pieces of a pie chart these days—eating, sleeping, devising Duel Monsters strategies to beat Yugi, and work—and it was also true that work tended to bleed like a tumor into the other three categories. That still didn't give Mokuba the right to air out the Kaiba family's dirty laundry in front of, out of all the goddamn people, Serenity Wheeler.

"Listen," Kaiba said in a low voice, kneeling down to Mokuba's height. Serenity heard the anger in his voice, and found it either hot or terrifying, so she created a new word for it called "horrifying."

"What is it, big brother?" Mokuba asked innocently. He knew he'd fucked up the second he'd said what he said. Seto was a private man, and he didn't like any parts of his private life—his private parts, if you will—to be exposed to just anyone.

"I thought I taught you better than this, Mokuba," Seto intoned. "Can't you see you're making a commotion in front of an interviewee?" To emphasize, he tilted his head slightly in Serenity's direction while not breaking eye contact with the younger sibling. Mokuba, wanting for any reason to escape the infernal gaze of his brother, turned to the direction Seto had gestured. He made eye-contact with Serenity, and that was all she wrote, as the saying goes.

"Hey, it's Joey's sister!" Mokuba exclaimed, and his brother seized on a regret that was similar to the kind one felt when they woke up next to a morbidly obese woman after a long night out drinking. Then took a closer look and realized it was their mother. Then took an even closer look and figured out it was their father dressed in Mom's clothes and wearing her make-up. This is not a sensation either Kaiba or Mokuba would understand, for you see, they didn't have a parent between them.

"Big brother, you should hire her!" Mokuba said before Serenity had a chance to greet Mokuba and tell him she was on her way out. After being in the thick of the Kaiba brothers' drama for only a minute, she was ready to just go the stripper route. She'd already decided on her stripper name: Serenity.

Seto shook his head rapidly. "Even if I ignore the fact that she's part canine, she falls way below my standards for a decent caretaker. She's spent more time being nearly blind than she has with any serious responsibility, her references can be summarized as 'lol' and 'nope," and don't even get me started on that goddamn outfit." At this point, he was addressing Serenity directly, peering with a demeaning level of scrutiny into her eyes because, thanks to the extremely expensive surgery, they were the only thing on her body he could relate to. "It looks like you sewed it out of roadkill and draped it over yourself in a rush."

"Seto, you supply uniforms for most of the staff anyway."

"That's not the point, Mokuba." Seto's gaze did not drift from that of Serenity's. "Someone who shows such a lack of judgment, to come in here—into THIS OFFICE, to THIS JOB INTERVIEW—deigning to wear such garbage clothing is unfit to scrape bugs off the soles of my shoes!"

"Yeah, that's right," Roland interjected, "that's what you hired me to do."

"Why can't you be more like Roland?" Serenity and Mokuba glanced at each other, unsure who Seto was referring to. All the same, Mokuba answered him.

"Seto, either hire Serenity or I'll tell everyone you molested me."

"What the fuck, Mokuba."

 **TO BE CONTINUED**


End file.
